New Beginings

With the turn of the new year, I published an Instagram post asking people what they were looking forward to in 2019. I was surprised to see that a majority of the responses (to be summed up) were “new beginnings.” The fact that so many people responded that they were looking forward to new beginnings really resonated with me in many ways. As I look back over the last few years and reflect upon the events, relationships, and life happenings that put my strength to the test, I realized that even on days where I felt like I was only taking baby steps, after a little time, I had actually covered significant ground.

I had a coach in high school that told us every practice, just focus on getting 1% better today. Each day it felt like that 1% was taking the life out of me, but now I realize that every 1% got me to where I am today. Looking ahead into 2019, I wanted to share my thoughts that have developed as I navigated my way through the lessons and growth I have experienced over the last few years.

It’s not your job to fix others. Let me say this again for people in the back. It is not anyone’s job to fix anyone else. Toxic people often having a way of breaking down others in order for them to feel good. But let me tell you, you should never feel broken in order for someone to feel whole. You should never empty out your bucket in order to fill others. You should be aligning with people that are doing what they can to take care of themselves, maintaining fairly full buckets to begin with. That way, you are able to pour into each other equally in order to find encouragement and love.

In the same breath, please don’t ever rely on others to fix your deficiencies. It’s not their job. If you have triggers or trauma that you haven’t dealt with, seek the necessary channels to begin the healing process. It’s not anyone’s responsibility or job to fix you.

Get comfortable being uncomfortable. I didn’t realize how much I valued this until I got into sales. One of our requirements was to find leads off the internet and call them to try and set a meeting. As much as it was excruciatingly painful, I learned that if I could get comfortable selling a technical recruiting service to strangers, I could easily chat with people about their goals and dreams for the future.

With that, learn to know the difference between pushing through pain and pushing through injury. As someone that was competing at the age of two, this was an easy one for me to realize physically. I learned to navigate what different pains are and realize when it was time to buck up and keep pushing, or pumping the breaks because if I wasn’t careful it would result in injury. But emotionally, this was a whole different ball game. I pushed through so many things that I realize now were not something that I should have continued with, that have since left broken pieces that are in need of mending.

Life is short but it’s also long. Life was exhausting and draining because of the people that I was choosing to keep in my life. Not saying that everyone needs to be your biggest fan either, but don’t allow people in your life that make you believe that you’re hard to love. I’m not saying everyone is perfect, but my biggest hope for everyone is that they navigate through life and find people that see the best in them. That those people will acknowledge areas that need to be worked on, encourage you to grow, but ultimately think you’re rad enough to cheer you on in good days or bad. If you are with someone that’s projecting that you’re a piece of crap, no one should sign up for that.

You shouldn’t have to chase people, if they want to be there, they will be there. Period.

Communicate. People are not mind readers and they often don’t pick up on what you believe is a glaringly obvious hint. If someone did something to hurt you, tell them. If you have expectations that aren’t being met, say something. It’s petty and unnecessary to complain to others about the things that you didn’t properly communicate to the person you’re expecting something from. And those people you’re complaining to aren’t able to fix the problem. So even though it’s easier to just complain, take pride in yourself and your relationships to have those tough conversations.

Forgiveness isn’t a one time thing. A couple months ago I was hit with a wave of hopelessness for the future. When I described it to people, they said it sounded like depression. I had had periods of my life where I had been sad, but at no time did I have an overwhelming feeling that there was no hope for joy in my future. So many things that I thought had been resolved, came crashing back like it had first happened. Why? I had forgiven and moved on. But wait, no, I was bitter. I remember talking to a friend about this exact situation and she said this;

“So often we forget that forgiveness is a continual process. Sometimes we make ourselves believe that just because we forgive someone or something, that that means that we should then be over it. It doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes it’s a conscious and deliberate effort to wake up everyday and ask for strength to forgive.

It’s not a mistake if you learn from it. This was a big one for me. I was listening to a really good podcast about a year ago and the woman said this. At the time I was carrying a lot of regret for people I had invested in and time that now felt so wasted. I felt like I had let so much of my twenties slip away based on poor decision making. But looking back now, the lessons I have learned from it have shaped me into who I am today. Sometimes you can find the solution by doing it correctly, and other times you figure out what not to do. I did the latter. I aim to always be transparent and authentic about my situation to hopefully encourage others that might be seeking guidance or counsel.

Like I said, I don’t have all the answers, but I have learned valuable lessons that if anyone else can benefit from, I want to be able to share. Now that I stand in 2019, I am grateful for all of the growing pains. Even on days where I wish the lessons had been learned in a different way, I still find myself not wanting to trade that year for anything.

I hope that 2019 brings health, happiness, love, and growth for all of you.